


Take No Blame

by fiddle_stix



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec is bad at feelings, Alternate Canon, Angry Magnus Bane, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Magnus Bane, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Break Up, Sad Alec, Violence, but it's breif
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 05:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9478502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiddle_stix/pseuds/fiddle_stix
Summary: Magnus is trying to get over a particular shadowhunter, but something is blocking him, and Magnus is not going to take the blame for something he didn't do. Even for Alec.





	1. Chapter 1

After about the tenth, ‘Alec is hurting, it’s all your fault, come back and fix him’, note Magnus was feed up. He had spent a full week grieving the loss of his relationship with Alexander Lightwood, and he wanted the boy to be happy and move on, but in no way was he going to let the boy pin the whole situation on him.

Slipping on his coat, not even bothering with his usual makeup and glam, he created a portal, and stepped through. 

The institute was fairly calm, a few people milling around. He spotted Clary and Jace bickering about something, with Izzy watching them endearingly, but pausing to glance worriedly at something every few seconds.

That something became painfully clear when his eyes fell on the boy he was looking for. Alec, in all his shy, broody, dark guy manner, had his back turned to Magnus and seemed to be focusing on the computer in front of him. 

He drew in a deep breath and started forwards. Before he could reach Alec, Izzy noticed him and started to call his name, but he held up a hand to silence her. All eyes seemed to follow Magnus as he crossed the room. He tapped Alec’s shoulder, and the boy almost fell over when he caught sight of his ex.

Magnus kept his face impassive as he stared into the eyes of the boy he still loved,ever so dearly. “I am all for you getting over our relationship,” he started with a smile. “Hell, you can screw your way through the entire population and I wouldn’t blink an eye. But this?” he said, slamming the notes down on the table beside Alec. “No. If you think for one second that you can lay even the tiniest bit on blame on me for the end of this relationship, then by the angel you were wrong.”

Alec’s face changed and Magnus saw guilt framed perfectly on his face.

“Do you think that when you came to me, and said that you were having a hard time trusting me because of the things I did three hundred years ago, that was my fault?” he continued, his anger rising, but composure strong. “Do you think that when you told me that you couldn’t handle being with me because of the fact that I was immortal, I was to blame? Do you think I enjoy having demon blood run through my vein, enjoy being a child of a devil? Do you think that I enjoy the fact that I will never grow old, have to watch those I love die around me and do nothing about it?” said Magnus, looking close to tears.

“You can do many things, Alexander Lightwood, that I will accept. Ending one of the greatest things to happen to me in the four centuries that I have existed, because of a part of me that I despise, and wish would leave me, and then blaming the whole ordeal on me,” he continued, swallowing the lump in his throat. “No, this I will never accept, because I thought you of all people would understand that every time my eyes are no longer my own, become that of pure evil, show the part of me that hold a demon. I thought you would understand, that this, in no world, was and is a choice that I would make,” he said, a single tear escaping, a tiny break in his composure.

“Tell your friends, that the reason that Magnus Bane, and Alexander Lightwood, no longer exist as a ‘we’, this time is not because of my selfishness of vain. No it is because of you, and I will take not even the smallest proportion of blame. Remember that next time you decide that someone isn’t good enough for you, isn’t adequate, because of what they were born as.”

With that, Magnus turned his back, on the shocked boy, whose face was wet with tears of grief and remorse. The warlock met no one’s gaze as he strode out of the building, opting for a walk, too try and calm his beating heart. He barely took two steps down the footpath, before three figures blocked his path.

The circle members sneered at him, raising his weapons. He met them look for look. He could hear footsteps behind him, but he barely registered them. Hatred and loathing ran through his blood, and when the demon rose inside him, he didn’t try to hold in in. These were the people who sought to destroy him, destroy his kind. Rid the world of downworlders, not caring if their intentions were for honest or not.

Magnus’ eyes flashed yellow, his hands moving without a second thought, his magic, which was usually so gentle, erupted from his finger tips with the force of a raging bull. The men fell like dominos, faces frozen, but Magnus didn’t stop there. He gripped their souls, ripping them from their bodies. Magnus could hear the devil whispering to him, but didn’t bother pushing it away.

In one swift motion he slammed the souls into the ground giving them a one way ticket straight to hell. 

He stood there for a moment, eyes fixed on the three bodies which lay before him. His mind didn’t seem to be turning, and he only returned when the ringing in his ears drew to a halt. He was suddenly hyper aware that there were people behind him, and he could sense their shock. Abruptly he was met with a wave of emotions, his brain working overtime. His killing count had just suddenly jumped three levels. They weren’t even peaceful or unavoidable. He had been so careful, for so long. Not to fatal harm others, if not utterly necessary.

And what had he just done. He had killed, with no real threat, and he had done it brutally. His hostility was uncalled for and he had let the part of himself, which he despised the most, consume his actions and every thought.

The next thing he realised was that he was swaying, not standing steadily. He tried to stop his world shifting before him, but ended up stumbling and falling to his knees. He caught himself with his hands, just before he face planted onto the concrete, but it was too late. 

His vision was slipping and he knew he had used too much magic. In one last attempt he rolled onto his side, so as not to injure himself, but he lost consciousness before he could finish. 

As Alec carried Magnus’ comatose form into the institute, everyone was still in shock. The High Warlock had entered the institute, yelled, rightfully, at their leader, and then proceeded to strip three unsuspecting, but debatably deserving, circle members of their souls. Nobody said a word, until Alec had carefully placed the warlock, onto his bed, making sure he was comfortable.

“Is what he said true, Alec?” asked Izzy, her voice shaking. Alec let out a shaky breath, not knowing how to answer, guilt, remorse, loathing all battling in his chest.

“Yes,” he breathed, feeling the tears flow again freely down his cheeks. “Yes, yes, yes. I was so wrong, about everything. I didn’t know how to go to him. What if he hated me? What was I thinking of course he hated me? I didn’t know what to say or do, and I couldn’t find it in me to tell you that it was my mistake that ruined it all. My foolish, flawed, selfish actions had driven him away. I didn’t want you guys to hate me, like he hated me. I think he’s everything but, my words said differently.”

Izzy stood there, her tears mirroring his. She didn’t know whether to step forward and comfort her brother, or punch him. Clary stood next to her, her hand over her mouth, while Jace seemed not to be able to function, shock overtaking him. 

“Alec. Oh Alec why?” said Izzy, giving in and wrapping her arms around Alec’s shaking form. “You could have done so many other things. Anything else,” she whispered, shaking her head. “Let’s just see if we can fix our mistakes okay. Have faith, otherwise we’ll get nowhere.”


	2. Chapter 2

To say that Magnus was horrified when he woke up, would be an understatement. If not for the pounding in his head, and the way his body felt like it was laying under sandbags, he probably would have flipped. Instead all he could do was gaze blearily around the room, trying to piece together why he was in his ex-boyfriend’s bed.

When the constant throbbing in his temples didn’t cease, he raised an arm to try and magic it away. But no wisps of blue spread from his finger tips and he let the arm flop back onto the bed, with an angry sigh. 

“This is going to be interesting,” he muttered darkly. His words made someone jolt upright, and all of a sudden he was met with a set of piercing eyes. Magnus felt like screaming and crying and cursing the universe when he met that gaze because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop loving the boy. Instead he turned away, choosing to focus on the suddenly fascinating wall.

Alec seemed as if he was preparing himself to speak, but before any words fell from his mouth, the door opened and Izzy peaked her head around the door.

“Magnus, thank the angel you’re awake,” she said, making her way over to him. “How are you feeling?”

The warlock was silent for a moment, contemplating what to say. “If I were to tell you the full extent of it, it would have to be followed by a harsh, half-stifled yell. I don’t think I have it in me to tell it to you with refined vocabulary.”

She let out a pitying sigh, while nodding her head. “Look Magnus, I-”

He cut her off with a shake of his head. He could tell that she now felt bad about sending those notes to him, but he didn’t blame her. It wasn’t her fault. She just received false information. “It’s okay, I understand,” he said softly, with a small smile. “Now although I simply love your institute and all of it’s lovely hospitality, I would really appreciate it if someone could help me to my apartment, as for one, it had alcohol, and two, I have a few things that would help me in my recovery, excluding alcohol.”

Izzy grinned, while rolling her eyes. “Only you would be able to retain sass after completely drained, and passing out for two days.”

“I don’t know what you expect from me, for I have never had a dull day in my life,” he replied with a smile. Izzy rolled her eyes again, and extended an arm to help him to his feet. He accepted, wincing slightly as he wobbled into a standing position, but quickly replacing it with a smile. The smile quickly dropped however, when his eyes met again met with Alec’s. 

There was hurt displayed on the shadowhunter's face, and he looked again, as if he wanted to say something, but he didn’t open his mouth. Magnus broke their exchange, refocusing on what Izzy was saying to him.

~~~

Magnus sat, looking out across his balcony, softly stroking a pattern across Chairman Meow’s back, the cat’s soft purrs resonating through him. Small parts of his magic had started to come back, and Magnus was thankful for that. He had been able to convince Izzy and Clary that he would be fine on his own for the night, and he was thankful for the silence.

The sun was setting so Magnus thought it was a great time to admire the view from his apartment. That was until there was a loud screeching noise, then a bang, and he was no longer alone. His first thought was to use his magic, but he could only conjure small wisps. Cursing a litany of unpleasant words quietly under his breath, he reached for his phone, quickly dialling Izzy’s number.

She picked up on the first few rings, with a cheery greeting.

“Yeah, Izzy,” he stuttered quietly. “There’s someone in my house,” he said peeking around the corner. His breath stopped short when he stopped four armed Circle members in the doorway of his house. “Izzy help there’s Circle members literally two meters away from me.”

He didn’t hear her response, the phone dropping from his hand, as one of them spotted him standing there. There face split into an ugly sneer pointing to where he was. He tried to run, but he was still physically weakened. Their hands gripped him, and no matter how hard he struggled, they had cornered him.

The one who had spotted him, stood before him looking smug. “Well well well. The High Warlock of Brooklyn. I don’t believe we’ve met, but right now introductions are not the problem. We know you’re weak, we know that you’ve cost us three valuable members. An eye for an eye. Or should we say an eye for three.”

“I think for all the trouble he’s caused us, he deserves a little more than a painless death,” said another one of the members, who was holding him down. “After all he’s a downworlder.”

Before any of them could even reach for their pockets, an arrow lodged itself into the Circle member who had a firm grip on Magnus’ arm. A whip wrapped itself around the foot of the member who was in the warlock’s face and the other two fell to a gleaming blade.

Magnus let out a relieved sigh, slumping against the wall. “For a moment there I thought that was going to be the end of me,” he groaned.

“By the angel,” cried Clary, who stood next to him, blade still raised. “Are you hurt anywhere?” she said, crouching beside him.

“Nothing has been injured, except for my pride,” he muttered running a hand over his cheek. Everyone seemed to breathe sigh of relief and only then, did he realise the identity of those surrounding him. A lump seemed to grow in his throat when he recognised the tall, dark haired male, who stood a little away from him. He immediately averted his gaze, looking to thank Izzy, for her quick response to his call.

To think, not moments ago he was relaxing, comfortably, his cat curled in his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by request, i've decided to continue this, maybe three or four parts. although she isn't reading this note, i'd like to say a big thanks to my mum, who helped me come up with how to continue this story. a big thank you also to all you lovely commenters, who inspired me to continue this


	3. Chapter 3

After a few cups of tea, plus a few cocktails for Magnus, everyone thought it was time to head back. A unanimous decision, the group declared that Clary would be spending the night at Magnus’ place, just incase anymore Circle members decided to turn up unexpectedly. Magnus was a little disheartened, as his alone time had been ruined, but agreed that it was the best course of action.

Just as everyone was leaving, Alec turned to Magnus, looking nervous. “Can I have a word?”

Startled the warlock was at a loss for words. He couldn’t do this now, not here. Not when the shadowhunter’s words were still fresh in his mind, pressing on all of his insecurities. Magnus struggled for a moment, before deciding that he wasn’t brave enough just yet. Magnus shook his head, “We can talk later, let me just recover from getting nearly killed, and then we can chat, okay?”

He tried to mask his words with a lighthearted air and a smile, but he saw Alec’s pained expression, and immediately regretted his words. The boy simply nodded, and Magnus tried to pull himself together. He waved to everybody, and felt jealousy rise in him when Jace gave Clary a goodbye peck. 

Then the door closed, and he was met with a smiling Clary, who squealed something about a show, or Netflix. He decided that for tonight, he would try to be a normal guy, who was having a movie night with his friend, and not the sad, moping kid that he had somehow fallen into being.

~~~

The next time he saw Alec, was in quick passing by, just a glimpse, as he was checking into the institute to discuss an important issue with Izzy. It was just fleeting moment, but to Magnus it was everything. Against all his will, his heart was still holding onto the boy who had broke it in the first place. 

So he threw himself into the work that he was doing. Although his magic was still running on the down low, and he could barely lift a feather with the faint wisps, he still had a vast array of knowledge from his centuries on Earth, which Izzy was immensely grateful for. 

~~~

Magnus was having a peaceful moment. He sat opposite from Izzy while he gave her tips on contouring her makeup for the best effect. Magnus felt relaxed and was enjoying himself. But like all things good it had to be broken. The door was flung open, and Jace dashed in.

“Izzy, we need you at the Institute now. Alec is on his way, but we can’t wait for him. We need you there now?” he said hurriedly, slightly out of breath. Izzy turned to the warlock with wide eyes, shock written all over her face.

“Magnus I’m so sorry-” she started, but he cut her off.

“I get it,” he said, forcing a smile. “I’ll be okay. I have to face him sooner or later right?”

Her eyes searched mine for a moment but Jace was clearly distressed. “We don’t have time for this. I’m sorry Magnus, I really am.”

He nodded at the two of them, ushering them out the front door. “Go, I can take care of myself. Don’t get hurt, I can’t fix it currently,” he said, waving my fingers, before he shut the door.

His smile immediately dropped from his face. He turned his back to the door, looking around at his apartment. It would be Alec and him, alone. Just like it used to be. His eyes fell on the couch, and memories of them cuddling, whispering loving words to each other, flitted through Magnus’ mind. 

The kitchen, where the two had slow danced to a tune only they knew the words to, holding each other as if we would never let go. The balcony, where they had sat together, watching the world at it’s best, the moon high in the sky.

How could he face him here, with all these memories surrounding them? He couldn’t do it just yet, he needed a little time. But sadly, that decision was taken out of his hands, as a small knock echoed through the house.

Slowly Magnus turned, drawing in a deep breath. He could do this, He had to do this. His shaky hand reached for the door handle, and it took all his effort to pull the door open. The first thing he saw was Alec’s bow slung over his shoulder. Then he looked up, and his composure broke. He couldn’t do this. Not with those eyes looking at him, those blue eyes he knew all too well. Relationships could go to hell.

He tried to swallow, moving to allow Alec to enter the apartment. Alec kept his head down, shuffling inside. “Hi,” he said awkwardly.

“Hi,” replied Magnus, equally as awkward. Neither said anything, and Alec looked as if he was trying to build courage on a collapsing building.

“Mags- I mean Magnus,” he started, playing with his fingers. “I want to apologise. For everything. What I did was wrong, so very, very wrong. What I said to you was uncalled for and completely unacceptable. I wanted to take it back as soon as I said it, but I was ashamed. I couldn’t face you, because I was scared, I was a coward.”

“I never meant to say any of it, and will regret ever saying anything for as long as I live. I couldn’t even tell anyone that it was my fault, that I had destroyed it, because I couldn’t bare the thought of them hating me as much as you hated me, as much as I hated myself. I know I can’t take it back, but I want you to know that I will forever be sorry. I want you to know that this was all my fault, and that I take full blame for what I did. I’m sorry Magnus, for everything.”

Tears were streaming down his face, his expression full of sadness and regret, and Magnus felt as if a part of himself had been returned. He felt more like himself, felt as if he had been pulled back from the very edge of a cliff. He drew in a shaky breath, lacing his fingers together.

“I want to give you a second chance. You don’t know how badly I want to give that to you,” he started, letting himself go. “I can feel my resolve breaking, everything I was trying to hide, becoming bigger that it ever was. I don’t know how to make it work, I don’t know how to let you back in. Someone who was so dear to me, who I was so dear to, you could hurt me again. I don’t know how I can honestly still say that I love you, but for some reason I can. There are pieces of me, that I can’t seem to gather on my own, and maybe I need you.”

Magnus drew in a long breath, his eyes never leaving Alec’s. “I was angry, so angry but hurting badly. My insecurities about the part of me that I despised the most, were apparently hated by the person that I loved the most, that I’d trusted the most. I guess it was a lot easier to say that I was mad, than to admit I was hurting.”

Magnus’ tears joined Alec’s, as he struggled to continue. “When I try not to want you, I end up needing you. You’re my favorite joy in life, but my endless pain. I’ve tried to hate you, but the only thing I end up hating, is how irrevocably, irreversibly I seem to love you. Against everything inside me, I want you Alec, I don’t think I’ve ever not wanted you. I’ve lived for long enough that I’ve learnt that things aren’t like what they are in the books. But maybe, just maybe, this time they were right. Maybe sometimes two people do have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.”

“So, my dear Alexander Lightwood, I accept your apology. Will you accept me, Magnus Bane, a downworlder?” he asked, a dazzling light appearing in his eyes.

“The biggest mistake of my life was letting you go,” said Alec, a new found hope gracing his face. He extended his arms, and Magnus gladly melted into them, finally feeling at home, finally feeling free.

“This time, let’s do it right,” said Magnus, stretching on his tippy toes to plant a kiss on Alec’s mouth. Relationships might go to hell, but the real ones, his one, would get through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so
> 
> uh
> 
> it's over
> 
> thankyou to everyone, my commenters, my mum, just everyone in general. thankyou. i don't think I would have continued if not for you

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! 
> 
> it's izaac back with yet another fandom that I am a part of. Malec is my otp and I don't think Magnus gets enough of the spotlight, and chance to be the badass mf that he is. after reading my billionth, alec insecurity fic, not that I don't love those, i just felt like Magnus needed his own time. on tumblr I kept seeing these fake notes that izzy or clary or jace would write to magnus saying to please come to the institute because Alec is sad, and not eating or not doing anything, and I know they relate to when Magnus broke up with Alec, but I wanted to change up the story line so I created this. 
> 
> please enjoy
> 
> and comment if you maybe want more of this story, maybe a part two or something.


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